Missing you dearly.

Chippy, it has been three weeks..... I can still remember the last time we saw each other three weeks ago. You were very weak, but I didn't think that you would not be able to pull through. I thought you would be fine and I told you: "Chippy, be good. Stay in the hospital for tonight. We will come and fetch you home tomorrow okay?" Never did I expect that that was the last time I saw you and spoke to you. I wanted to kiss your forehead that night, but for some reason I didn't, and now I will not be able to do so again..... Why did you not wait for us to come and fetch you, Chippy? If I had known you were going to leave us, I would have brought you home. Up till now, I still feel very upset that we were not by your side during your last moments. I'm sorry.......

I was very upset the first few days after you were gone. Every time I think of you, tears will well up in my eyes. I couldn't sleep at night as I will wake up feeling afraid, afraid of a future without you. The most difficult moments of the day are when I wake up in the morning and not seeing you around, and when I come home from school and don't find you waiting for me by the door.

Gradually, the tears stopped flowing as frequently, but that doesn't mean that I miss you any lesser. Maybe the tears have dried up, or I have got more used to a world without you. Or have I successfully deluded myself that you are still around? Not only me, so did Papa, Mama and Sarah. We still place food at your bowl during mealtimes, we left your beds untouched in their usual positions. Every night, we will place your favourite pillow beside Mama's bed so that you can sleep by her side like you usually do. We act like you are still around..... Maybe that is the best way to lessen our pain.

I used to wonder why someone who has lost someone close can behave so normally in front of others. How they can smile and sometimes even laugh. Now I know why. When I am in the company of others, life seems to go on as usual. It is when I am alone that I will miss you very very much, think of the happy days that we had together, lament why these moments cannot last longer and regret that I did not treat you better when you were around. On your last week, I came back from school late on weekdays and paid little attention to you. Walks in the morning were very short as well. Even during the weekend, I was more concerned about the Presidential Elections than you who were fighting for your life. I found it more important to enjoy myself at soccer on Sunday than bringing you to the vet. I have let you down, Chippy.....

Though I am slowly getting used to your absence, there are times when I am reminded of what I have lost and I will feel very dejected, like last Saturday when we brought Snoopy to Orchid Country Club. Throughout the journey on father's bus, I was staring at the empty space where you used to sit. And when I squatted down to ask Snoopy to come to me, I thought of how you used to come running over to me when I do that. When I carried Snoopy in my arms, I remember the feeling of carrying you down the stairs every morning for our walks. How I wish I can carry you in my arms again.....

Chippy, I miss you.